I just turned 48 last week. There, I said it—it’s official! 😂
Actually, I no longer think of 48 as “old.” Not because I’m here now, but because of the incredible, independent, thriving women I’ve built connections with. Most are in their 50s, some in their 70s, and they’re killing it—from launching new businesses to skiing the Rockies or traveling the country solo in vans. They remind me every day that no matter your age, you can still be fabulous and unstoppable on your own.
But that’s not what this article is about. This is about how, for my birthday this year, I had a choice: stay close to home and let these amazing women take me out for dinner, or… do something bigger, something that would make me feel truly special.
I chose the latter. And that meant it was up to me. That meant I had to tap into my Locus of Control to make it happen.
The Story
With a little help from my planning partner, ChatGPT 😉, I decided on a mountaintop “spa” experience. Since I’d be doing all the driving, all the activities, and spending a lot of time on my own, I wanted something that felt relaxing and indulgent—even if I was just sitting inside. Together, we narrowed it down to a resort a few hours away that offered incredible views of the Blue Ridge Mountains, five-star reviews, cabins that allowed dogs, and wouldn’t break the bank.
One place stood out. Their spa wasn’t quite up and running yet (they’d just opened), but they offered something unique: a Nordic Bath perched on a hilltop, with an optional wine and charcuterie add-on.
Not bad, right? Still, it wasn’t exactly what I had in mind. I grumbled, waiting for some perfect alternative to appear. But after an hour, I finally said to myself, “Girl, you want to do something special and different. This is exactly that.”
So, I booked it. And, to make it even more memorable, I booked the Nordic Bath–with wine and charcuterie–add-on too.
It was incredible.
The bath was amazing: steaming mineral water, a light snow falling, mountains in view, and a glass of wine in hand. I ended up having to move the soak to the night before my birthday because temperatures were supposed to drop dramatically—but I couldn’t complain. The morning of my actual birthday, the pup and I braved 22°F weather to hike (okay, jogged to keep warm) a nearby trail and we had the mountains completely to ourselves.
Later, I took advantage of my secluded cabin and curled up on the couch with a book. I had wrapped a few gifts I’d received in the mail from friends and family, so I could bring them along and set them out on the cabin’s coffee table—making the birthday ambiance near perfect.
That evening, with the resort driveway too icy to navigate, I ate leftover pizza and drank the rest of my wine. Not perfect, but not bad either. I ended the night opening my gifts, feeling blessed, loved, and deeply content.
I was proud of myself for creating such a special birthday—and truly happy. 🙂
The Power of Locus of Control
I’m sharing my birthday story because it illustrates something critical about finding happiness—not just in life, but especially when you’re living it solo.
I didn’t have a partner or a friend planning and whisking me away on this amazing birthday getaway. The world didn’t hand me the perfect place or the perfect weather. Hell, I even wrapped my own presents and brought them along. But that’s the point: I took control of my own birthday experience. I focused on what I could control—my surroundings, my adjustments, and my attitude—when things didn’t go as planned.
Psychologists call this mindset—and approach to life—Locus of Control.
Locus of control refers to how much influence you believe you have over the events in your life. Essentially, it’s whether you attribute your circumstances or happiness to internal factors (like your own actions) or external forces (like luck, other people’s power, circumstances, or fate).
People with an Internal (Intrinsic) Locus of Control believe they have the power to shape their life’s outcomes. They focus on what they can control—like their opportunities, choices, perspective, and what’s possible. This mindset typically leads to greater success, happiness, and fulfillment—even when faced with external challenges or things outside their control.
In contrast, people with an External (Extrinsic) Locus of Control often attribute their circumstances and outcomes to forces beyond their control. They’re more likely to blame others or external factors for negative situations, which can lead to feelings of helplessness and powerlessness, making it harder to overcome obstacles.
All of us experience moments or beliefs that fall into both categories, depending on the day or the circumstances. But it’s those who spend most of their time with an internal locus of control—and who can find their way back to it during challenging times—who become the gurus, self-help leaders, and charismatic thinkers we admire and aspire to emulate.
From Feeling Helpless to Taking Action
I will never tell a woman she’s not entitled to a good cry, a tantrum, or even a rage-induced fit from time to time—because, let’s be real, if you’re in perimenopause like me, that sh%t is bound to happen. But the key is what happens next—finding your way back to your internal locus of control—seeing things as they are and focusing again on what you can do to make them better. That’s what separates a happy, thriving life from one where you’re just barely surviving.
So how can you do it? Here are a few examples to help you get started.
Some women on their own never feel ‘alone,’ but for others, loneliness can be overwhelming. It’s tempting to wait for someone else to make the first move or believe that someone will come along and make it all go away. But waiting for outside factors to solve your problems often leads to more isolation.
Instead, take the first step. Reach out to someone you haven’t spoken to in a while—maybe an old friend you’ve lost touch with. Join a local meetup group or reconnect with a community activity you’ve always enjoyed. Or simply get out of the house—head to a coffee shop, chat with the barista, or compliment the person sitting next to you on their sweater.
Even volunteering can be transformative. When we step into the world with the intention of making others feel less isolated or helpless, we often end up finding the very connection we were seeking ourselves.
Most people change careers at least once in their lives. If your career feels stagnant or like it’s sucking the life out of you, challenge the belief that it’s too late, too hard, or destined to fail. Instead, open your mind to the possibility—maybe even the probability—that you can successfully make a career or job change.
Take a proactive step: update your resume, apply to a few jobs, or reach out to people in your network, or connect with someone who’s already doing what you want to do and ask them for advice. You could also enroll in a class or learn a new skill that excites you.
Small steps create incredible momentum. Opening yourself up to what you can do can reveal a world of possibilities you may not have seen before.
And if you’re like me, there are days when you feel ugly, old, or just plain insecure about yourself. Sadly, confidence doesn’t magically appear when someone compliments you or when that cute guy asks you out. Instead, it comes from within.
Put on your favorite outfit, light some candles, and order a fancy meal—just for you. Treat yourself like the queen you are, damn it! Confidence is built through small, intentional actions that honor and celebrate who you are.
You’re in Control of Your Own Story
The truth is, we live in a world, and a time where it’s easy to feel powerless—between external pressures, social expectations, and life’s unpredictability. But cultivating an internal locus of control puts the power back in your hands, allowing you to take charge of your life, even when things aren’t perfect. It’s the secret of those we admire most—the ones who seem happiest, most fulfilled, and content.
Life won’t always hand you perfect circumstances, but you don’t need anyone else to create the life you want. You have the power to create special moments, rewrite your story, and find joy—change everything.
It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it.
You’re worth it.
You are capable, you are enough, and you are in control—solo life and all.
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