If you’re not 110% convinced (and understand why) thriving as a single woman over 40 means finding other single female friends your age, check out my last article, #1 Thing Every Single Woman Over 40 Needs. In it, I explore how spending time with our married or coupled friends can be wonderful, but also leave us feeling like outsiders. Social comparison theory and our brain’s negative bias—focusing on what’s missing—leaves us feeling defeated and defective.
But single female friends? They shift your perspective from what’s lacking to what’s abundant. They provide support and understanding that married friends simply can’t, and those who are thriving… show you exactly what a happy, fulfilling, independent life can look like.
The question is, how do you find them?
(Warning: this is a bit long—but there are so many possibilities!)
Start With the Right Mindset
Give It Time
The key to meaningful friendships is giving people a chance and letting connections grow over time. Social psychologists say one of the top ways long-term friendships form is through shared history: spending time together repeatedly, building trust, and nurturing mutual respect.
Too often, we set unrealistic expectations based on the “perfect relationships” we see on TV or the filtered versions we imagine in real life—the idea that friendships (or relationships) should click instantly, with no effort or awkward moments. I call this “fairy tale-ing.”
But let’s be honest: even so-called perfect couples aren’t always perfect—think awkward first dates or the cringe-worthy meet-the-family moments. The same goes for friendships—they often don’t start with instant magic. Instead, they grow over multiple coffee dates, weekly walks, or monthly movie nights—a chance and a little patience.
BE a Friend, Don’t Just Look For One
Don’t go into new situations hoping to find a friend. Instead, show up with the intention of being a friend. Many of the single women you meet are likely looking for connections too. Coming from a place of giving vs taking helps us to show up authentically–not from neediness or fear, but with generosity and openness. That mindset is magnetic; it attracts amazing people and fosters meaningful, lasting connections.
Here’s the real beauty of this approach: It helps you uncover friendships you might have otherwise overlooked. Instead of searching for one “perfect” best friend, you’ll build a network of incredible women—a hiking buddy, a reality TV partner, or a kindred spirit who shares your values and understands your struggles. By surrounding yourself with a diverse and supportive community, you’ll find all the companionship, fun, and connection you need—without trying to find that one ‘perfect’ person.
Be Brave
There are countless amazing single women over 40 out there who would love to be your friend. In my experience running women’s social groups for this demographic, I’ve met hundreds of members in multiple cities—proof that they’re looking for connection too.
But someone has to make the first move. Whether it’s saying, “Hi, I’m Kim,” suggesting, “Want to exchange numbers? I’d love to have a hiking buddy,” or even taking the initiative to host an event where women can meet, it’s worth stepping out of your comfort zone. It might feel scary—we’re often programmed to wait for the other person to ask—but it’s worth it. I’ve been amazed at how often women light up when I make the first move. Most are just waiting for someone else to break the ice.
Explore What’s Already In Front of You
“Ask Out” the Interesting Lady at Work
Workplaces are ripe with opportunities to connect. At every job I’ve had, I’ve made at least one lifelong friend. It started with something simple, like asking, “Want to grab a coffee?” or “Drinks after work sometime?”
We often let barriers keep us from reaching out—especially as we get older. But whether it’s a peer, someone in another department, or the office manager, if you share a laugh or find common ground, take the leap. That “how about coffee” could be the start of a beautiful friendship.
Meet Your Neighbors
You don’t have to be outgoing to connect with neighbors. One year, I delivered cookies and homemade Krupnik to everyone on my street—even those I didn’t know. I’m introverted, so under the cover of night I left them on porches with a signed note—my way of reaching out 🙂. And now I’m part of the regular front-yard party crew, in the dog-walking text chain, and they even came to my rescue during a city-wide power and water outage!
If you’re feeling bold, introduce yourself. Offer your number “just in case.” Or organize something casual, like a spaghetti night. One woman I know started a monthly dinner with her neighbors, and it’s become the highlight of their month.
Reconnect With Old Friends or Family
This one’s a hidden gem. Life changes, and we drift apart, but that doesn’t mean we can’t reconnect. Social media makes it easy to find people we’ve lost touch with—old friends, classmates, or even extended family members.
I’ve reached out to old friends and cousins I hadn’t spoken to in years–and you know what? Those of them who were my age and single, I found an immediate connection! Sometimes, all it takes is a little effort to ignite something meaningful.
Join Groups Made For This
Check Out Meetup.com
Meetup is an online platform popular with people in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, connecting individuals through shared interests and activities. Whether you’re into hiking, book clubs, wine tastings, or something else entirely, you can search for groups in your area that align with your passions.
I highly recommend women-only groups. They tend to be less pressured and focused purely on connection—drawing in single women looking for friends or married women seeking friendships outside their marriage. And if you can’t find a group you love? Create one! I did—and I’m far from a natural host. But within days, over 100 middle-aged women joined my group, proving that others are looking too. On Meetup, if you build it, they will come.
Join Social Media Groups
Facebook, in particular, offers countless groups for just about anything: single moms, solo female travelers, and more–both nationally and local to your area. These groups are designed to support women, and even the national ones often feature posts from members looking to meet locally.
Even if you don’t find someone nearby, virtual communities are invaluable. Whether you’re looking for advice on perimenopause, hobby inspiration, or support for navigating singlehood, there’s a group out there waiting for you. And who knows? You may discover someone in your own neighborhood.
Attend Women-Focused Events or Retreats
Looking for a bit of adventure? Women-focused retreats have surged in popularity, offering opportunities to meet like-minded individuals. Websites like Retreat Guru and The Retreat Company can help you find retreats tailored to your interests.
Prefer to stay local? Search for women’s events in your area. From wellness retreats to networking mixers, local communities host a variety of gatherings that provide a space for women to connect, grow, and build friendships. Often, these events are exactly where amazing friendships begin.
Start With Common Ground
Just Do What You Love
Whether it’s running a 5K, volunteering, or taking a pottery class, doing what you love naturally surrounds you with people who share your interests. Say hi, take a chance, and share your socials. Suggest meeting for coffee, another hike, or the next class.
I know it’s scary—I’m a total introvert myself! But I’ve dared myself to step out, and each time, it’s gotten a little easier. Once you break the ice with one person, the next conversation—and the next—feels so much easier.
Embrace Wellness, Fitness, or Outdoor Activities
One of the best ways to meet like-minded women is through wellness and fitness activities. Join a yoga class, meditation group, or cycling club. These not only focus on health but often have social components, creating natural opportunities to connect with others.
Many of these groups attract women who share your commitment to self-care, balance, and staying active, giving you a shared foundation right from the start. Plus, they encourage consistency—showing up regularly helps build trust and camaraderie over time.
Redefine “Friendship”
Get a Pet
This one is close to my heart. I unapologetically consider my dog one of my best ‘single’ friends—and how could she not be? She’s always ready to go out, my wingman wherever dogs are allowed, and she never judges me. She’s there when I need her, makes me laugh, tolerates my hugs (begrudgingly), and is an absolute people magnet. She doesn’t even have to do anything—just sitting there, she draws people in, starting conversations wherever we go!
Pets, whether dogs or cats, can be loyal and present in ways humans sometimes can’t. They offer companionship, unconditional love, and a constant presence that soothes and uplifts. Local shelters and rescues have countless animals waiting for homes—ready to be your loyal sidekick. Not only will you gain a true companion, but you’ll also save a life, and that bond? I promise it is something special and will only deepen over time.
Put Yourself Out There
Pull Up a Seat at the Bar
Going out to dinner or a pub and sitting at the bar is a great way to spark conversations. You don’t need to drink—most places offer mocktails or non-alcoholic options—but ‘the bar’ is just a naturally social space. Whether it’s the bartender or someone nearby, you’re likely to meet someone who enjoys chatting. Even if it doesn’t lead to a lifelong friendship, you might leave with a “friend for an hour” and a fresh perspective. Sometimes, that’s enough.
Bring a book as a backup. It’ll keep you comfortable, but don’t bury your nose in it. Challenge yourself to look up and engage for a few minutes at a time. This shift—from “occupied” to “approachable”—makes it easier to start conversations.
Make a Joke to a Stranger
Sometimes, lighthearted humor is all it takes to connect. A random joke to a stranger might not lead to a friendship, but someone overhearing it might become a connection. In the grocery store or at the salon, people are naturally drawn to those who are lighthearted and approachable.
I remember my dad visiting Asheville. At the Biltmore winery, the hostess asked for our reservation. We didn’t have one so my dad replied, “Vanderbilt.” The hostesses burst out laughing and chatted with us for almost 10 minutes about the house and the wine. I was amazed, but turns out moments like this create openings for connection.
The Bottom Line
There isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to making single friends our age, especially in our 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond. But ‘single friends our age’ is the secret to happiness when we are single ourselves. Like anything important though, it takes a little effort–but not alot. And in the end, it is up to you.
So shift your mindset and try a few of my suggestions. Whether it’s a walking buddy, a confidante, or a spontaneous “front-yard party” friend, meaningful relationships with other single women your age are out there waiting for you.
You just need to take the first step.
You’ve got this!
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