Deep breaths, booze, a hot bath, crying in the closet, breaking something, punching someone in the face, getting a hug, going for a walk, a cup of herbal tea, or visualizing just letting it all go… all solid options for managing the sadness, frustration, or pain of a bad day.
Because let’s be honest: everyone has bad days. Sometimes it’s one particularly rough moment, other times it’s the culmination of days, weeks, or months of stress pressing down like an invisible weight.
Studies show the average person has 60 bad days a year—that’s one in every six. So, yeah, you’re not alone in feeling like life is out to get you. The usual suspects? Lack of sleep, work stress, running late, and money problems. Basically, ‘life.’ And let’s be real, the minor crap—spilled coffee, a dumb email—usually isn’t the real problem. It’s just the tipping point after everything else has been quietly eroding your sanity.
And in those moments—the ones that feel unbearable, exhausting, or like you just can’t catch a break—you also tend to feel the most alone.
“To the wine cellar, Batman!”
Oh wait, people under 50 probably won’t even get that reference. Point is, when we feel low, we instinctively reach for something to make us feel better. We need it.
I don’t judge whatever coping mechanism you pick—hell, mine varies by the day—but let me throw an unexpected option into the mix.
The Story That Changed How I Handle Bad Days
Twelve years ago, after my relationship imploded, I started doing a lot of self-reflection, learning, and questioning everything I thought I knew about life. But fast forward a bit, and even after the worst of the heartbreak had passed, life came swinging again.
My mom got sick. And suddenly, the person who meant the most to me was the one I was terrified of losing.
I felt low, hopeless, stuck in self-pity. And I did what most of us do when we’re hurting: I looked around for someone to comfort me.
One of my closest friends had gone silent. I’d reached out twice—no response. Feeling rejected and hurt, I pulled back. I wondered why she was ignoring me, worried she didn’t care.
Turns out? She had just lost her cousin and good friend. She’d been bed-ridden with depression, suicidal, and her family had to intervene.
That hit me hard. I wasn’t the only one struggling. And turns out, this is usually the case more often than not.
The point (again, there is one) is that when I am having a bad day, a bad week, or even a bad year, others are too. Maybe worse. Every person I know and love—and even those I don’t—have a 1 in 6 chance that today is a crappy one for them! And like me, when they’re struggling, they need someone to reach out and check on them too.
Fast-Forward to Present Day
I’ve been sick a lot recently. After months and many doctors later, I finally found out why. I’ve started treatment now, and my doctor’s warning of “It will get worse before it gets better” is proving more true than I’d like.
So, during a particularly bad day, I started out with a good cry in the closet (still a respectable option), then I decided to do something I now do regularly when I feel low. I remember I’m never the only one hurting. And if I’m feeling like crap, odds are, someone else in my life is too.
So I did something simple: I sent a text to three people I care about and hadn’t talked to in a while. Just to check in. Just to ask how they were doing.
And guess what? My aunt got back to me within minutes. My uncle’s chemo was kicking his ass. He hadn’t eaten in days, she was on the verge of a mental breakdown, and they were both at their lowest point yet.
Yeah. That put my fevers and not-fun-but-not-life-threatening health issues into perspective.
It’s not a contest. But it was an opportunity.
So I went into the basement, dug through some old boxes, and found a few photos of my uncle with his brothers and sisters—including my now-deceased mom. I sent them to him, hoping they might make him smile, remind him of better days, and give him something else to focus on besides the pain.
And just like that, perspective shift: activated. A little hope, a little warmth, and a reminder that even in the worst moments, there’s still good to create.
The Counterintuitive Cure: Do Something to Make Someone Else’s Day Better
“Those who can’t do, teach”? Well, this is kind of the same thing. If you can’t fix your own bad day, check in and make someone else’s better.
When we’re drowning in a bad day, our brain is stuck in no-win mode. The usual self-care tricks feel pointless, and even though we know what might help—deep breaths, tea, a walk—we don’t care enough to try.
But shifting the focus outward hijacks that loop and forces your brain to engage differently. Here’s why it works:
✅ Detaches you from the spiral. Seeing your stress through someone else’s experience makes it easier to question, reframe, or move past it.
✅ Triggers empathy and shifts focus. Instead of sinking into your own frustration or sadness, thinking about someone else’s struggle naturally shifts your brain from self-focused distress to connection and problem-solving.
✅ Tricks your brain into action. When you’re convinced nothing can make your day better, your brain shuts down. But when you focus on making someone else’s day better, that belief doesn’t apply—suddenly, you’re free to find solutions, shift perspective, and create good.
✅ Releases feel-good chemicals. Acts of kindness boost dopamine and oxytocin, the same chemicals that make you feel good after chocolate, laughter, or falling in love.
✅ Reduces stress hormones. Helping others lowers cortisol, which physically reduces tension and overwhelm.
✅ Restores a sense of control. When life feels chaotic, creating one good thing—even small—reminds you that you still have power over how you show up in the world.
Final Takeaway
We don’t always have someone to pick us up when we’re down, and we can’t rely on the world to fix our bad days. But we can shift our perspective. We can take action. And we can be that support for someone else, even when we feel like we have nothing left to give.
Look, self-care matters. Taking care of yourself, giving yourself grace, protecting your energy, and doing what you need to feel better—that’s important. But sometimes, even the best self-care tools don’t work. The bath doesn’t relax you. The deep breaths don’t help. The tea just tastes like sadness.
So when nothing else is working, try flipping the script. Just like I did that day in the basement—when my own problems felt heavy, but taking a moment to focus on someone else lightened the load. Shift the focus outward. Make someone else’s day better.
Because the surprising thing? It works. When we take control of how we show up, when we step outside ourselves and choose connection over isolation, we change not just our own experience but the experience of those around us. You help them, but you help yourself too.
🔥 Now, go forth and be a tiny beacon of light.
Even if today sucks. 😉
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