Yesterday was the first day in six months that I actually wanted to write again for Courageously Independent. Honestly, actually wanting to do it, wanting to create, wanting to contribute to the world, wanting to hope, wanting to revisit my dreams… Well, it shocked me.
Because the last six months…. have been a lot.
I received a new round of discouraging health news around issues I’d been dealing with for over a year already. I sold my house and moved across the country in a desperate attempt to find a climate that might let my body heal. I’m navigating the terrifying space of no income because I’m too sick to work, and I’m constantly rerunning my finances wondering how the hell I’ll support myself into older age. I obsess over supplements and hormones trying to figure out how to manage perimenopause so I don’t end up punching a random stranger on the street or spending the day crying in the closet. I find myself researching the latest anti-aging products so in case I need a job — or actually want a date — I might look “young enough” to get one. I schedule time with friends and family strategically so I can muster the energy to be pleasant, instead of showing up as the crab-ass, nonsmiling sack I have to live with 24/7 🙄. And I keep trying to work on myself — handle my emotions better, show up better, shed old patterns — because I genuinely want myself and my life to be better, and I know it all starts with me.
Maybe your version looks completely different — or maybe it looks exactly the same. Because most women I know are fighting some combination of: worrying about their finances, managing their health, taking care of everyone around them, keeping their home and life functioning, and holding themselves together emotionally while pretending everything is fine. We push and push and push, but it doesn’t seem to get us where we want to go.
In a word, it’s exhausting.
And fuck, with New Year’s right around the corner, the whole “resolution” thing — defined as a personal promise to improve yourself on January 1st — feels less like making life better and more like adding another weighted blanket to the pile.
So why was yesterday different for me?
Why did I suddenly feel inspired again?
Before I answer that, let me drop a little science on you.
There’s a widely used theoretical framework in psychology called Conservation of Resources (COR) Theory. It was first introduced in the late 80s and basically says burnout isn’t caused by not trying hard enough — it’s caused by trying too hard for too long without replenishing.
Burnout happens when the demands on us exceed the resources we actually have: our time, our energy, our emotional limits, our capacity to give love, our health, our attention, our sleep, and our hope. And superhero or not, we all have limits on every single one of these things.
According to COR Theory, letting yourself off the hook, loosening the reins, setting down a few juggled balls, or saying “no” (God forbid!) isn’t laziness or selfishness — it’s recovery.
And it’s on the other side of this that change, hope, and actually wanting to try again live.
Now, this isn’t an excuse to buy a liter of whiskey and drink it while driving to Vegas, telling no one — including your family or boss.
But it is permission to “Let Yourself.”
I tried to force myself to write the last six months and it came out awful. I tried to record social media videos and wasted two hours only to end up in tears. I tried to “heal harder,” diet harder, be productive harder, be kinder or more supportive harder. And nothing got better — not really.
Instead the shame hit harder, and the discouragement grew deeper.
So, now we get to my answer on what did change for me.
I did the one thing I know allows me to reset, to replenish, to hope again — even if in the dark I can’t always see it.
I Let Myself.
Early December, I decided for the rest of the month I was simply going to Let Myself.
Let myself stop obsessing over my health issues, stop trying to find solutions, stop trying to make it even marginally better, and instead… drink wine! 😆
Let myself not worry about money — buy that extra present, take myself out to dinner. After all, what is a few hundred dollars in the grand scheme of the next 30 years?
Let myself sleep in. Let myself put off finding a permanent place to live. Let myself go ahead and punch that stranger in the face if I really wanted to, or cry in the closet.
Let myself skip the face cream at night. Let myself sit back instead of solving everyone else’s problems.
Let myself stop trying to be better and allow myself to actually become “worse” — whatever that meant.
Let myself show up however I felt — crabass or not.
Simply: Let Myself.
And you know what? I didn’t punch that stranger (although I might have come close😉). And I didn’t become “worse,” unless you count those few pounds I gained, but of course can lose again.
What I did do was find myself again.
I refueled. I recovered — mentally, emotionally, energetically. My resources came back: my attention, my emotional bandwidth, my capacity to feel, my hope. The very things COR Theory says we lose when life keeps demanding what we no longer have.
And now?
I want to write again. I want to create. I want to support other women navigating the challenge and the gift of mid-life independence.
So this New Year’s, I dare you to make a different kind of resolution — one that might actually change your life:
Let Yourself.
Let yourself spend money on something that gives you life or makes you smile instead of spreadsheeting yourself into panic.
Let yourself ditch the salad and eat cake for dinner.
Let yourself walk out of the house without makeup and notice how no one faints.
Let yourself tell the people you care about that they need to manage their own needs for a while — they’ll survive a few days without you (small children excluded).
Let yourself leave the laundry, the inbox, the house projects, the self-improvement for another day.
Let yourself be whoever the hell you are in this moment — messy, tired, soft, bold — and let yourself say, “Hell no,” without apologizing for it.
We all think we’re failing because we aren’t disciplined enough.
That we need more goals, more structure, more willpower.
But instead of adding more pressure in the New Year, do the thing that is actually transformational.
Not a cleanse.
Not a new diet.
Not a productivity plan.
Instead: Let Yourself.
Let yourself take.
Let yourself rest.
Let yourself be “irresponsible.”
Let yourself feel good for no reason.
Let yourself drop a ball or five.
Let yourself loosen the reins, replenish your resources, and give yourself permission to stop striving long enough to come back to life again.
And maybe, like me, you’ll feel inspired again. You’ll find yourself again — your hope, your spark, your smile.
Maybe you’ll still be sick, still tired, maybe a couple pounds heavier — but you’ll feel alive. Creative. Hopeful. Ready.
Because change doesn’t always come from resolutions, discipline, or trying harder.
It comes from having enough internal resources to want change in the first place.
And sometimes the bravest thing you can do is stop striving and Let Yourself replenish.
You don’t need punishment or pressure.
You need permission.
So this January?
Let Yourself.
No guilt.
No shame.
Just the grace to be human long enough to become whole again.
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